The Current Outlook

Another entry up on the Images of Lancashire - this time, of my home town of Longridge.

Home Secretary John Reid has said he has “no personal ambition to attain any other high office” when asked if he wanted to succeed Tony Blair.

There’s one word for Reid’s comments. Go on, I’ll give you a guess.

I watched this on five last night. It’s basically about people who have synthetic dolls as girlfriends. There was a bloke from southern England on it and about three or four from the United States. They were the most barking mad of the lot. Every last one of them need their heads seeing to.

Here’s a more in-depth synopsis (from DigiGuide):

Documentary about the men who use sophisticated life-size dolls for sexual satisfaction and more - such as dates, affection and lifelong companionship. Featuring a young American man who gives his doll daily massages in the home he shares with his disapproving Mum and Dad; a British man who takes his doll out on day trips to the coast where she watches him hang- glide; and two Americans who live with multiple dolls, one of whom shares his eight synthetic lovers with his human girlfriend.

Every single one of the men featured on this programme seemed to be seriously messed up in the head. The way they carefully mollycoddled and had sex with what are pieces of plastic. These guys were real loonies. Where does the production company find these people is what I want to know. With no exceptions, every single one of them scared the living daylights out of me… and I’m a bloke!

Guys and Dolls reminded me of parts of a very bleak (and violent) slasher film called Maniac, where the serial killer in that has dolls. In a dream sequence they evenually all rise up against him.

This programme made for seriously disturbing viewing. If you want television that makes you feel like a good shower afterwards, I nominate Guys and Dolls, for I found it to be a seriously disturbing piece of programming. The scene in which the American chap and his new girlfriend sitting round the table with five plastic dolls is one of the strangest (and creepiest) things I have seen on TV for a long while.

What did I learn tonight? I suddenly feel very normal indeed.

…entry is up on my Images of Lancashire photoblog.

…that political parties always refer to the conference they hold every single bloody year without the definite article? It is ‘the conference’ and not ‘Conference’. It is irritating, to say the least. All three main British political parties seem to inflict this use of language upon us. Or maybe I am just being wrong, which is not unusual.

Thoughts?

… on the Images of Lancashire photoblog.

I haven’t consumed a Pot Noodle in a very long time, and the last time I did I could hardly finish it, it was that bad. For a man brought up on solidly traditional British cuisine this came as something of a shock.

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I followed the instructions to the letter on a Pot Noddle (edit: Noddle, heh!) - Beef and Tomato flavour, to be exact. Anyway, I heats up the kettle and ‘prepared’ the dog’s breakfast of a mixture. When the makers of this foul garbage declared it ‘finished’ on the packet, I gave the end product a smell. Let me tell you, the stench of this stuff was bad enough. Tasting it was even worse. It’s just like heated up, mushy cardboard. There’s precisely zero taste to it at all - absolutely nothing like either beef or tomato. Absolutely disgusting. I was hungry at the time but this has to be one of the few major brand products that makes you feel worse after you’ve ingested it! I mean, you’d have thought that the producers of ultra-fast food would have gone some way already to improving the taste, but no.

Can any of my many loyal readers pick out any more examples of foods that are utterly appalling but appear to be quite popular? Answers on a postcard, please.

A father who served five years in jail for sexually assaulting a woman had his conviction quashed yesterday after new evidence suggested his victim was a liar who inflicted her own injuries.

People who falsely cry rape are the lowest of the law, and this is a disgraceful excuse for a woman. This man has lost five years of his life because of the ineptitiude of the justice system and this woman’s false accusation.

Women in cases like this should be given a hefty prison sentence. They should also lose their right to anonymity.

Devil’s Kitchen has also brought this up. I happen to agree with pretty much everything he says.

Australian naturalist and television personality Steve Irwin has been killed by a stingray during a diving expedition off the Australian coast.

This is sad news but it was going to happen eventually because of the way he did his work. He was completely mental but it’s most likely exactly the way he wanted to go, too.

My thoughts are with his family and friends.