LAGOS (Reuters) - Crime-infested Nigeria, famed for its email scams, has warned citizens travelling to Britain to watch out for conmen who use tricks to rob or rip off visitors.

Is this not a tiny bit rich for a country that is infamously associated with crime, scams and fraud?

Have a look at this. And nearly die laughing like I just have.

A Bristol teacher who resigned after her school failed to replace a squeaky chair which made “farting” noises has lost an employment tribunal.

Heh heh heh. Silly cow.

If I was on £48,000 a year and I had a chair that made ’squeaky’ noises and they wouldn’t replace it, I’d simply buy a new one that was nicer than everybody else’s.

An interesting meme comes via Will Howells’ blog.

You need to go to Wikipedia. Type in your birth date (but not the year). List three events that happened on your birthday. List two important birthdays and one interesting death. Post the results on your blog.

So here’s my effort:

Birthdate: June 2.

Events:

1953 - Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom, the first to be televised.

1979 - Pope John Paul II visits his native Poland, becoming the first Pope to visit a Communist country.

1997 - Timothy McVeigh is convicted on 15 counts of murder and conspiracy for his role in the 1995 terrorist bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

Births:

1740 - Marquis de Sade, French author (d. 1814)

1857 - Edward Elgar, English composer (d. 1934)

Death:

1990 - Rex Harrison, English actor (b. 1908)

British Identity

No doubt it will sell like hot-cakes. Go and have a look. One more hit will do the cause a tiny bit more good.

EDIT: Just a quick word to say that since I published this blog entry eBay UK have decided to erase the auction. Cheers Longrider.

South Park’s creators have renewed their “battle” with Scientology, after a US TV channel dropped a show which mocked its church and actor Tom Cruise.

Dear, oh dear. They gave in. I hope they feel better after kowtowing to a moody, petulant little pissant like Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. Well done.

However…

Matt Stone and Trey Parker, in their usual take-no-shite-from-anyone style released the following statement directly to Mr. Cruise and the other Scientologist (you can find out more about this particular hatstand religious movement over at this Wikipedia article):

So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu.

This is what is commonly referred to as ‘a class act’. No ifs, no buts. A class act.

Tom Cruise: if you’re reading this, I’m going to offer you a gratis piece of advice. If you want to go around making yourself look an arse and a total nutter to boot, throw a gargantuan temper tantrum over a 22-minute animated topical satire show that no-one would have cared less about.

I’ve said this here before and I’m going to restate it. South Park S9E12 (’Trapped in the Closet’) is damned funny. If you are able to see it, do so. Just for the hell of it, like.

One last point: the egregious Isaac Hayes can suck my white chocolate salty balls, quite frankly.

Education Secretary Ruth Kelly has been hit by an egg after attending a court hearing about a previous attack on her.

What a disgraceful attack on the poor ‘woman’. I’m… I’m sorry…

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

And so on and so forth.

What a waste of a good egg though. Could have had a nice omelette with that with a bit of cheese and bacon. Or a boiled egg. Or maybe even boiled eggs chopped up in a cup with a bit of margarine mixed in. The possibilities are endless… well, almost.

Anthony Charles Lynton Blair is a liar.

Tim over at Bloggerheads has the most amusing blonde joke I’ve ever heard. Hope you enjoy it.

This video is an excerpt from the American reality TV programme Trading Spouses, a kind of rip-off of Wife Swap.

That woman is utterly weird - a Bible-bashing fat cow and a complete psycho to boot. She looks half like Cherie Blair with loads more weight put on. Look at the face on the girl about one minute and fifty seconds into the clip - poor thing looks scared out of her mind! I suspect I would be if I had a mother like that!

It would seem that the stupid bitch has been corrupted by the DORK side: here she is in Las Vegas last Sunday at the Palms Resort.

The last thirty seconds of the clip definitely raised a chuckle though.